If war tells you anything, it’s that you’re even more inconsequential than you already thought you were. Trust me, I know.

Don’t let stories like Bush clings to dubious accusations or Global powers rip US war plans ruin your supper. Sure, the case for war is fraught with half-truths, highly questionable assumptions, and outright lies. And yes, most of the rest of the world finds US actions here distasteful, threatening, or morally repugnant. What does the Pope know anyway?

But take solace! You are a pawn in an historic chess match. You, me, and 280 million other US comrades have no say in the matter. We’re the blameless multitude, floating gently along in the river of time. So I say revel in your powerlessness. There is nothing you can do about it. Naught. Nil. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Empty set. Goose egg.

That being the case, why feel badly? Even a first year psychology student knows that there’s no point in feeling lousy about things you can’t control. Believe me, there are plenty of things within your circle of influence to feel lousy about without taking credit for George Bush’s work. Gulf War II is so far out of the control of ordinary citizens that, well, does anyone else feel like we’re in a car being piloted by Toonces the Driving Cat? So let’s keep some perspective. Whatever happens here isn’t your fault, and it’s certainly not my fault. If anyone’s going to feel guilty, it should be George Bush, but as we all know, for that to happen you have to have a conscience first.

Kidding! Just kidding! I kid because I love.