Important note about parenthood. Sorry it’s a little late for some of you.

After an uneven night and a day of nothing but children’s Motrin and Pedialyte, Jonah wolfed down some solid foods this evening. He’s still running a low-grade fever and the stools emerging a little loose, but his stomach seems much more settled. We’ll continue to watch him, of course, but I think he’s turning the corner after yesterday’s upchuck festival.

I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it previously, but all prospective parents should know this: Your kid will puke on you. You will at some point stick your hands in his poo-doo. You’re also liable to get peed on, especially if your kid is a boy. (That willy is like a loose garden hose.)

I’m not saying these are the bennies of parenthood. In fact, if they are, you’ve got a whole lot more wrong with your life than I could ever hope to fix. I’m just saying that these things will happen and the sooner one accepts this fact, the easier it is to see heavy drinking as a really plausible coping mechanism.

(Apologies to Hemstreet/LaFrance, the Daroczis, the Kanns, the Ogles, and anybody else who I probably should have given this warning to earlier. My bad.)