The proposed Americanized title for Bend It Like Beckham. Also additional proof that movie studio executives are idiots.

I have never been more clearly outside the target demographic for a movie. As big a fan as I might be of seeing Keira Knightley in a sports bra, I found this a mediocre picture. As My Big Fat Greek Wedding proved, cultural clashes can be fertile comedic and romantic ground. That doesn’t work here mainly because the conflicts are about as contrived as one could imagine. If you don’t know how the film will resolve itself (possibly even before renting the DVD), you’re dense as a forest.

My major hopes for this film lay in its soccer-based plot. Sadly, the action is entirely executed through quick cuts and close-ups, rendering it virtually impossible to see if anyone has any talent whatsoever. In this respect, the film is reminiscent of Remember the Titans, where filmmakers used much the same technique for filming American football. Supposedly, besides the two leads, the rest of the squad were actual soccer players, but, as I say, who knows if they’re any good. Anyone who is a fan of soccer: You will derive no enjoyment whatsoever from the soccer scenes in this movie.

That leaves the wispy, sports bra-clad Keira Knightley as virtually the only source of interest from my perspective, and despite her considerable charms I’m afraid it isn’t enough. Not recommended, unless you’re a teenage girl. In that case, I dare say that like Sixteen Candles or Pretty in Pink, this is a flick for you.