Today’s Oregonian, reporting from the Coffee is Hot Dept.:

Isabella was 2 1/2 years old when she fell. Her mother, Melisa Yerdon, had opened a second-story window to air out a mess their dog made inside the duplex in the 5900 block of Southeast 15th Loop. Yerdon said that she hadn’t planned on leaving Isabella alone, but dashed out when she heard her 6-year-old son yelling downstairs.

Question: Does the law of gravity work? Answer: Yes.

Isabella plummeted to the driveway below. A screen on the window wasn’t strong enough to hold her in. She spent four days in the hospital, and her teary eyed father — professional fighter Jay White — testified about the harrowing hours when he wondered whether his daughter would survive.

Question: Can you guess what happened next? Answer: This is America. Of course you can.

The jury awarded almost $40,000 for Isabella’s medical bills and more than $470,000 for the girl’s future needs, including a special education.

[The plaintiff’s attorney] had asked for $2.5 million for the girl’s pain and suffering, but the jury settled on $50,000.

Question: Why in God’s name would anyone want to own rental property in Oregon after this verdict? Answer: I have no idea.

[In case you wondered: Isabella, the would-be hummingbird, is now four. Although doctors apparently can’t point to anything specific, either she has brain damage because “she is beginning to show the sign of inattention” or is perfectly fine, depending on which experts you believe.]