Human Cloning: Too Much of a Good Thing

by | Mar 22, 1997 | Essays

Great news for the Lone Star State: Scientists find a way to clone sheep. Now every Billy-Bob Yahoo can have a date for Saturday night. If he’s lucky. And the sheep is drunk. Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Now that scientists have...

Apple Macintosh: A New Hope

by | Mar 1, 1997 | Essays

Apple cuts employees and loses millions, but the future’s never looked brighter. Why it’s time to ditch the Intel/Microsoft platform. Proof that Codeine dependency is an ugly thing. Updated for ’98. The Rebirth of the Macintosh Doomsayers and Windows...

Things That Go Bang

by | Feb 23, 1997 | Essays

Published months ahead of schedule, an exploratory essay on America and the Fourth of July. Continuing my self-appointed role as Job’s comforter, I gently probe the nation’s tender psyche with my ice-pick-like wit. Trotsky-esque. Every Fourth of July I...

America Off-Line

by | Feb 13, 1997 | Essays

Online fascists battle intellectual freedom. Freedom 1, AOL 0. Steve Case as Oliver Cromwell minus charm. And brains. My fight for truth, justice and the other thing. Fun for the whole family. AOL: Get Your Tricycle Off the Superhighway Long the laughingstock of the...

Chiropractic Treatment: One Man’s Tail

by | Feb 12, 1997 | Essays

Taking a break from the otherwise hum-drum world of painfree living, I injure my lower back and enter the Land of Oz where I meet the Wizard, his lovely assistant Dr. Kim and his still-searching-for-a-brain heavy, Juan. In their delightful wonderland of chiropractic...

Iomega Jaz

by | Feb 7, 1997 | Essays

You don’t want to know how long it took for me to get a functioning Jaz drive from Iomega, but I tell you anyway. Mein kampf in less than a page. Heart of darkness (“The horror! The horror!”) to Shangri-La. Eighth wonder of the world or desktop Three...