It’s hard not to be enamored with a US Senate candiate like ex-Russian Army tank soldier Pavel Goberman. Anybody who starts his Oregon Voters Pamphlet campaign statement with a full-fledged ad for his personal fitness business (“Get Energized!”) has, it seems to me, grasped what American politics is all about. Add to this an occupational background resumé that is some 15 jobs long—not including the aforementioned time in the Red Army—and one begins to wonder if there is anything this Pavel Goberman can’t do.

Well, write natural-sounding English would be one thing. “I have two plans to boom economy,” asserts Pavel, sounding something like Yakov Smirnov. Sadly, no more details are forthcoming, so the punchline goes a-missing. Pavel’s take on the environment is similarly brief: “Environment: Protect it!”

Another area were Pavel falls short would be the notion of political tact. Negative campaigning is part and parcel of virtually every election, but usually one doesn’t subscribe to a scorched-earth policy that also indicts another member of your political party especially if—like Gordon Smith—he’s your current US Senator.

Nonetheless, Pavel is eager to explain why he’s running:

    US Senators Wyden, Smith are ignoring, abusing, not upholding, violating, raping our Constitution, their Oath, Code of Ethics and Pledge to the Flag, not performing duties and obligations and should be in prison for it.

One wonders how the senators found time for social functions. Even better, it turns out that this is Pavel’s toned down rhetoric. If you want to read what he really thinks, check out his political Hall of Shame.

Still, you’ve got to love Pavel’s moxy. His Voter’s Statement ends in a crescendo of campaign promises, most of which are only half in touch with reality:

  • “Car Insurance: If no accidents – 50% money back” (Senators can do that?)
  • “I can solve traffic problems!” (from the floor of the US Senate?)
  • “Make peace in the Middle-East…” (where all others have failed)
  • “Voting for me is investing in our economy” (presumably because one less ex-Russian tank soldier will be out of work).

Seeing as how I’d like Sen. Wyden reelected come November, Pavel Goberman’s got my vote.